Hey Everyone! Today on the blog I am getting pretty personal and sharing an interview that I did on my struggles with eating disorders. If you have been following my blog for a while then you know how open I am about my struggles. I know people are struggling silently and it's important for those individuals to realize they are not alone. I have done an interview in the past but for some reason this one was super emotional for me because the person interviewing me is a beYOUtiful young lady who is currently suffering herself.
Here are the Q & A's.
1) What did you find made it difficult to come to terms with having an eating disorder? I found it difficult to come to terms because I felt embarrassed and ashamed. I was in denial that I had something wrong with me because at the back of my mind I knew it wasn’t normal but I didn't want to put myself in the category of “Not normal”. I also found it difficult to come to terms because I felt it was the only way to avoid gaining weight.
2) What eating disorder did you suffer with? I suffered from anorexia at the age of 17-19 and then I suffered from bulimia from the age 20-23.
3) How did your symptoms of anorexia/bulimia develop? I was an elite gymnast, trained 35 hours a week and was burning an insane amount of calories so gaining weight was never a problem for me. But when I retired from the sport I was terrified of gaining weight. I knew I wasn't going to be training insane hours so I cut my calories super low! Once I cut my calories and started to see I was in fact losing weight and people were telling me I look thinner I thought it was great when in fact I was putting my body in harm. As for Bulimia it was a combination of being in a really bad relationship and still the fear of gaining weight.
4) What would you eat on a typical day? When I suffered from anorexia I could eat a variety of healthy foods but VERY small portions. Keep in mind I was eating over 3500 calories a day when I was in gymnastics and then dropped to less than 1000 calories a day and working out twice a day. A typical day looked like this:
· Breakfast- banana
· Lunch- a piece of chicken breast with some veggies
· Snacks- handful of nuts or a protein shake
· Dinner- canned tuna with lettuce
When I suffered from bulimia I would eat a healthy amount of food but then get sick a lot of the times not after every meal and not every day but on average once every other day and usually after dinner when I was at home. My day would look something like this:
· Breakfast- protein smoothies with fruit
· Snack- apple and almonds
· Lunch- Salad with mixed veggies and chicken
· Snack- rice cakes with peanut butter
· Dinner- fish with veggies and sweet potato
5) Was it noticeable to your friends and family? No one really said anything to me at the time but when I came out about suffering from eating disorders I did have people say to me that they suspected something. My mom was probably the only person who had asked me prior to coming out with it. I think a lot of people just didn't know how to approach me about it because maybe they felt I would get defensive about it.
6) When did you come to realize that you needed help? When I suffered from anorexia I realized I needed to change something when I had a ton of people telling me I looked tired and that I was "fading to nothing” and "looked sick". I increased my calories but I didn't actually get any help from anyone. I was still embarrassed that i had an eating disorder so i tried to just help myself. When I was suffering from bulimia I knew I needed to get help or change my habits when I was working out one day and found that my lungs were feeling super weak and I was having trouble breathing from doing the littlest things. Also I was getting severe chest pains all the time. When I went to see my doctor she had told me that due to the excessive purging my lungs have weakened from the pressure. Also my heart was being affected as well, along with other things. When my doctor told me that if I continued with this it could possibly take my life. After hearing that I hit a reality check and I came to the realization I needed to change my habits. I wasn't able to afford getting help and I still was not comfortable coming out that I had an eating disorder so I started my recovery all on my own. My doctor eventually referred me to someone who I went to see for about a month.
7) What was the hardest thing you dealt with in the recovery process? When I suffered from anorexia the hardest part was realizing that you need to feed your body in order for it to perform properly and that clean eating will not make me gain weight. It was a struggle to learn balance. When I suffered from Bulimia it was much harder to overcome. The hardest part for me was the temptation and the mental episodes I would have. The temptation to go back to my bad habits was an everyday struggle. When you suffer from bulimia you fall into these episodes where it's almost like you are not in control and you lose all sense of awareness of what you are doing. Once the episode is over (purging) I would feel guilty about it and I would think to myself “Why did you do that?” and i would be really upset with myself
8) Do you think you were pressured by friends or family, media or school/work/ before developing an eating disorder? I didn’t feel pressured by friends or family but I did feel pressured by school/work at the time. I was in school for fitness and health promotion and I had my own business working as a personal trainer and I felt that “I had to look the part to play the part” so I definitely believe this played a factor in developing my eating disorders. I do also believe that media had a role as well. I would look at models in magazines and on Facebook and Instagram that had the body that I wanted. I would tell myself that I could look like that when in reality it wasn’t realistic; everyone has different body types and is structured differently.
9) Do you think it's okay for a parent to discuss food with their child? I do think it’s important for parents to discuss food with their children HOWEVER it has to be done with the proper intentions and where the focus is not on weight. What I mean is that; you need to educate them why it's important to eat healthy and why it’s good for their “insides” rather than making the focus about weight and their physical appearance on the “outside”.
10) Do you think that men have as hard a time with these kinds of disorders as women? Absolutely! There are definitely a lot of men that suffer from eating disorders as well.
11) Have you ever heard of new research on “over exercise disorder” and “Reverse Anorexia”? If so, how do you feel about these topics? I have heard about over exercise disorder- I feel that many people who suffer from this disorder don't even realize they have it, I am definitely guilty of this. I worked out two times a day and no days off when I was going through my eating disorders. I didn't think it was a problem at all. I thought that it was okay to never give my body a break because it didn't need it. Missing a day at the gym would give me anxiety and I would feel like I gained 10lbs, when that is clearly impossible.
12) If you could help someone with an eating disorder, what would be the most important piece of advice that you would like to give them? So much advice I would give!!! But if I had to pick the most important piece of advice to give them I would tell them that; The first step after realization you have a problem is figuring out the triggers of your eating disorder and then finding a way to fix them so that when these triggers happen they know how to deal with them in a healthy manner.
Here are the Q & A's.
1) What did you find made it difficult to come to terms with having an eating disorder? I found it difficult to come to terms because I felt embarrassed and ashamed. I was in denial that I had something wrong with me because at the back of my mind I knew it wasn’t normal but I didn't want to put myself in the category of “Not normal”. I also found it difficult to come to terms because I felt it was the only way to avoid gaining weight.
2) What eating disorder did you suffer with? I suffered from anorexia at the age of 17-19 and then I suffered from bulimia from the age 20-23.
3) How did your symptoms of anorexia/bulimia develop? I was an elite gymnast, trained 35 hours a week and was burning an insane amount of calories so gaining weight was never a problem for me. But when I retired from the sport I was terrified of gaining weight. I knew I wasn't going to be training insane hours so I cut my calories super low! Once I cut my calories and started to see I was in fact losing weight and people were telling me I look thinner I thought it was great when in fact I was putting my body in harm. As for Bulimia it was a combination of being in a really bad relationship and still the fear of gaining weight.
4) What would you eat on a typical day? When I suffered from anorexia I could eat a variety of healthy foods but VERY small portions. Keep in mind I was eating over 3500 calories a day when I was in gymnastics and then dropped to less than 1000 calories a day and working out twice a day. A typical day looked like this:
· Breakfast- banana
· Lunch- a piece of chicken breast with some veggies
· Snacks- handful of nuts or a protein shake
· Dinner- canned tuna with lettuce
When I suffered from bulimia I would eat a healthy amount of food but then get sick a lot of the times not after every meal and not every day but on average once every other day and usually after dinner when I was at home. My day would look something like this:
· Breakfast- protein smoothies with fruit
· Snack- apple and almonds
· Lunch- Salad with mixed veggies and chicken
· Snack- rice cakes with peanut butter
· Dinner- fish with veggies and sweet potato
5) Was it noticeable to your friends and family? No one really said anything to me at the time but when I came out about suffering from eating disorders I did have people say to me that they suspected something. My mom was probably the only person who had asked me prior to coming out with it. I think a lot of people just didn't know how to approach me about it because maybe they felt I would get defensive about it.
6) When did you come to realize that you needed help? When I suffered from anorexia I realized I needed to change something when I had a ton of people telling me I looked tired and that I was "fading to nothing” and "looked sick". I increased my calories but I didn't actually get any help from anyone. I was still embarrassed that i had an eating disorder so i tried to just help myself. When I was suffering from bulimia I knew I needed to get help or change my habits when I was working out one day and found that my lungs were feeling super weak and I was having trouble breathing from doing the littlest things. Also I was getting severe chest pains all the time. When I went to see my doctor she had told me that due to the excessive purging my lungs have weakened from the pressure. Also my heart was being affected as well, along with other things. When my doctor told me that if I continued with this it could possibly take my life. After hearing that I hit a reality check and I came to the realization I needed to change my habits. I wasn't able to afford getting help and I still was not comfortable coming out that I had an eating disorder so I started my recovery all on my own. My doctor eventually referred me to someone who I went to see for about a month.
7) What was the hardest thing you dealt with in the recovery process? When I suffered from anorexia the hardest part was realizing that you need to feed your body in order for it to perform properly and that clean eating will not make me gain weight. It was a struggle to learn balance. When I suffered from Bulimia it was much harder to overcome. The hardest part for me was the temptation and the mental episodes I would have. The temptation to go back to my bad habits was an everyday struggle. When you suffer from bulimia you fall into these episodes where it's almost like you are not in control and you lose all sense of awareness of what you are doing. Once the episode is over (purging) I would feel guilty about it and I would think to myself “Why did you do that?” and i would be really upset with myself
8) Do you think you were pressured by friends or family, media or school/work/ before developing an eating disorder? I didn’t feel pressured by friends or family but I did feel pressured by school/work at the time. I was in school for fitness and health promotion and I had my own business working as a personal trainer and I felt that “I had to look the part to play the part” so I definitely believe this played a factor in developing my eating disorders. I do also believe that media had a role as well. I would look at models in magazines and on Facebook and Instagram that had the body that I wanted. I would tell myself that I could look like that when in reality it wasn’t realistic; everyone has different body types and is structured differently.
9) Do you think it's okay for a parent to discuss food with their child? I do think it’s important for parents to discuss food with their children HOWEVER it has to be done with the proper intentions and where the focus is not on weight. What I mean is that; you need to educate them why it's important to eat healthy and why it’s good for their “insides” rather than making the focus about weight and their physical appearance on the “outside”.
10) Do you think that men have as hard a time with these kinds of disorders as women? Absolutely! There are definitely a lot of men that suffer from eating disorders as well.
11) Have you ever heard of new research on “over exercise disorder” and “Reverse Anorexia”? If so, how do you feel about these topics? I have heard about over exercise disorder- I feel that many people who suffer from this disorder don't even realize they have it, I am definitely guilty of this. I worked out two times a day and no days off when I was going through my eating disorders. I didn't think it was a problem at all. I thought that it was okay to never give my body a break because it didn't need it. Missing a day at the gym would give me anxiety and I would feel like I gained 10lbs, when that is clearly impossible.
12) If you could help someone with an eating disorder, what would be the most important piece of advice that you would like to give them? So much advice I would give!!! But if I had to pick the most important piece of advice to give them I would tell them that; The first step after realization you have a problem is figuring out the triggers of your eating disorder and then finding a way to fix them so that when these triggers happen they know how to deal with them in a healthy manner.
I really hope that anyone reading this and who is suffering, or knows of someone who is suffering, knows that they are not alone and recovery is possible!! I am always willing to help anyone in any way that i can so please do not hesitate to contact me!
Hugs,
Stephanie xo
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