Stop Over-Apologizing (Is it really a Canadian thing?!)

 

I like to consider myself a pretty accommodating person. Maybe even too accommodating (just ask my close friends and family) The upside is I’m fairly flexible. I don't mind going out of my way for people, I can easily admit when I'm in the wrong, and I can usually make everyone in the room comfortable because I'm a very easy going and non-judgemental person (so I've been told). But like most things there are a ton of downsides. I tend to constantly apologize or blame myself for things that aren’t even my fault. If you are thinking to yourself  "yup, sounds like me" well then let me welcome you to my club of Overly Apologetic People. Please do take a seat and grab a name tag..

Just yesterday after finishing up a workout I was leaving the gym and some random guy holding his bag like three feet away from him (as if he was allergic to gym bags) banged his bag right into me and my water bottle that just so happened to be open (of course) went flying. Naturally my first reaction? "OMG I'm so sorry" I mean maybe this was my fault (and there you have it ladies and gents; first offence in this blog post, here I am again justifying why this could have been completely my fault) But perhaps it was completely and unintentional his fault. You think that's bad? Wait until you hear my next story... Once upon a million years ago I found out someone who I was in a long term relationship with had cheated on me (OUCH!) Long story short I remember at one point (after the anger had settled) I actually apologized and blamed myself for his actions. Even though when I asked why he did it, his reasoning was literally the most pathetic reason given to cheat on someone (not that any reason is a good one to justify those actions). Like most things 'there is a time and a place' and I think that apologizing in certain situations falls under that statement. So how exactly do we break this (bad?) habit?

Well here's a start:

Start an apologies log: Make a conscious effort to keep track of how much you are apologizing in a day. I swear I did this and I must have said "sorry" about 20 times! (Okay so operation "stop apologizing" might take me longer than I initially thought #sorrynotsorry)

Ask yourself: "did I actually do something wrong?" I find if you even have to ask yourself this question chances are you didn't. When you do something wrong you usually know right away and there is no need to ask yourself the question (Think about it? Have you ever done something consciously wrong that you know is wrong and have had to ask yourself if you did something wrong?) 

More 'real' less 'fake': It's like the word 'love' that gets thrown around for well pretty much anything and I find the word has become less meaningful. Use the word 'sorry' when you actually mean it and not because you feel you have nothing else to say. With that being said sincere apologies are often needed and I find it’s super humbling and powerful to know when to admit when you are wrong. The less we’re throwing fake ones into the mix, the more powerful our true apologies will be.

I got one question...Is it really just the Canadian in me?!!? 

Thanks for reading,

Stephanie xo